evermore — track 17
I do not know how to carry this ache,
this quiet, gnawing grief that blooms in silence.
It curls beneath my ribs,
an anxious fog that blurs tomorrow.
Still—I know.
Joy waits for me, somewhere out there,
like sunlight trembling on the horizon.
With a heavy heart,
I exhale the weight of memory—
the laughter, the warmth,
the truths I wish I never found.
Sometimes, I wonder if this wound is self-inflicted.
If I am the architect of my own heartbreak.
Some things, perhaps,
were never meant for me to know.
Maybe this is my consequence.
My karma.
I begged—
for love,
for presence,
for softness and for grace.
But my voice echoed unanswered,
a whisper in a storm.
Maybe it was always just me.
Maybe I wasn’t special.
Maybe I am not.
I see now—I am not as logical as I thought.
This fragile heart is louder than reason.
Perhaps it’s because
I’ve never been loved before like that,
or maybe never truly loved at all.
God…
I’m going to miss him.
And God—please—
teach me how to let him go.
Unbind me from this sorrow.
This shattered heart may not be
the worst pain the world knows,
but it weighs on my spirit.
It clouds my mind.
It steals peace from my friends.
I want to be whole again.
Please, Lord,
heal me.
Free me.
Still, I wish him well.
I will lift his name in prayer—
for success, for joy,
for dreams fulfilled.
Even if I won’t be there to see them bloom.
It hurts,
but perhaps it’s for the best.
For me.
I love him—
oh, how deeply I do.
But I must love myself more.
I must choose me.
I must learn to see myself
not as broken, but becoming.
I am a sailor,
adrift on grief’s dark sea—
but I have God.
My North Star.
My Light.
My Anchor.
The days ahead terrify me.
I don’t know how I’ll survive
this ache that echoes in my chest.
I fear what it might steal from me—
my job,
my joy,
my peace.
But I will cling to prayer.
I will fight for faith.
Tonight is quiet.
Painfully so.
And still—I cannot see a future
where I am whole again.
Where he is gone from my thoughts.
But I will hope.
I will believe.
God, please…
erase his name from the corners of my soul.
Or give me courage to leave it behind.
I don’t even know what I want—
just that I want to stop hurting.
I want to forget.
I want to be brave enough to let go
of a love that never held me back.
Lord, I trust You—
with my healing,
with my letting go,
with my tomorrow.